European Men Are So Romantic
Lima, Peru
This (faux) article from the Onion is almost a decade old, but still pretty much hits home. Classic…
European Men Are So Much More Romantic Than American Men
I just got back from a semester abroad in Europe, and let me tell you, it truly was the most magical, amazing experience of my entire life. The French countryside was like something out of a storybook, the Roman ruins were magnificent, and the men, well, European men are by far the most romantic in the world.
You American men all think you're so suave and sophisticated. Well, think again! European men make you look like the immature, inexperienced little children you are. They really know how to make a woman feel special over there. Unlike the so-called men here in the States, European men know how to treat a woman right.
For one thing, European men aren't afraid to come up and talk to you. And they know how to start slow, with a nice cup of Italian espresso or a long walk on some historic street. They know the places you can't find in any tourist guide. They know the whole history of the cities in which they live—who the fountains are named after, who the statues are.
I remember one unforgettable night in Athens, I sat and listened to a Greek sailor for hours as he told me about the countless men who fought over Helen back in ancient times. Afterward, he told me he loved his homeland even more now that he'd seen it through my eyes. I ask you, would an American man ever say something as deep and beautiful as that?
European men know the most romantic little cafés and bistros and trattorias, candlelit places where you can be alone and drink the most fantastic wine. They tell you what's on the menu and what you should try. (If it wasn't for a certain young man in Milan, I never would have discovered fusilli a spinaci et scampi.) And the whole time, they're looking deep into your eyes, like you're the only woman on the entire planet. What woman could resist a man like that? Then, after a moonlit stroll along the waterfront and a kiss in the doorway of their artist's loft, you find yourself unable to—well, I'll leave the rest to your imagination.
I'll never forget my magical semester abroad. One thing's for sure—I'm ruined for American men forever!
American Women Studying In Europe Are Unbelievably Easy
I'm a 25-year-old carpenter living in Rome, and I don't mind telling you that I get all the action I can handle. I'm not all that handsome or well-dressed, and I'm certainly not rich. In fact, my Italian countrywomen could take me or leave me. But that's just fine, because Rome gets loads of tourist traffic, and American co-eds traveling through Europe are without a doubt the easiest lays in the world.
Being European gives me a hell of an advantage. I'm not sure why, but there's something about the accent that opens a lot of doors. All you have to do is go up to them, act a little shy and say, "Whould hyou like to go with me, Signorina, for a café?" I actually have to thicken up my accent a little, but they never, ever catch on.
After a cheap coffee, which to them always tastes better than anything they've ever had, because they're in Europe, it's time to walk them. Now, all they know about Rome is what they've read in Let's Go, so you can pretty much just make up a whole bunch of crap. It's fun to see how much they'll swallow: As long as I refer to Italy as "my homeland" and other Italians as "my people," they'll believe pretty much anything. I don't know who most of the local statues are, so I tell the muffins they're all great artists and poets and lovers. Once, just for the hell of it, I told a psychology major from the University of Maryland that a public staircase was part of the Spanish Steps, which she'd never even heard of. Another time, I told this blonde from Michigan State that the public library was the Parthenon, and she cooed like I'd just given her a diamond.
For dinner, I usually take them to some cheap little hole in the wall, someplace deserted where not even the cops eat. American girls think candlelight means "romance," not "deteriorating public utilities," so they just poke their nipples through their J. Crew sweaters and never notice that there's no electricity. Just as well, because Roman restaurants aren't exactly the cleanest. After a bunch of fast-talk about the menu, I get them the special, which is usually some anonymous pasta with spinach and day-old shrimp, and whatever cheap, generic, Pope's-blood chianti's at the bottom of the list.
By this time, they're usually standing in a slippery little puddle. Going in for the kill, I walk them past one of Rome's famous 2,000-year-old open cesspools. Then, as we open the door to my crappy efficiency, I kiss them on the eyelids so they don't see the roaches, making sure the first thing they see is the strategically positioned artist's easel I bought at some church sale. That's usually all they need to see and, like clockwork, they fall backwards on my bed with their Birkenstocks in the air.
I mean, they're hardly Italian women, but we have a saying here in Europe: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
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Travelvice is the home of Craig Heimburger, a perpetual wanderer who has visited over fifty countries and is currently in his fourth year of uninterrupted travel. He is a writer, a photographer, and a father. Recently his fiancée, Tatiana, and their infant son, Aidric, can be found by his side.
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Ava V.
February 29th, 2008
haha, i couldn't stop laughing. its funny how things look completely different through someone else's eyes.
Andrew Wesley Roberts
September 15th, 2008
Even though the original article is from the Onion, apparently some women still believe this lie.
So some woman listened to a Greek sailor tell you the tales of murderous warriors and and how much he loved his homeland, and she got all hot? As an American, I could tell you stories of my ancestors that fought in the American Revolutionary War and how I love MY COUNTRY despite what outwardly appearing flaws foreigners claim to notice. Does this make me any more or less romantic??
I like the beach as well as the mountains, I love the crisp autumn air as well as the hot summer nights… I can cook and clean up the mess when we're done. I would place my physical, emotional and mental inventory against your Greek sailor any day of the week.
American women, on the other hand, are perhaps the biggest gold-diggers on the planet. European women are happy to have a man give them flowers, while American women want to know how much was spent… a small bistro in Europe would satisfy a European woman, but an American woman needs to eat at the chain restaurant that has the latest fad food and be seen with her friends.
Sorry, sweetheart, American men are plenty romantic, it is the American women that are the problem, almost every single American woman wants to have the money and lifestyle of the billionaire jet-set, but are unwilling to become equal partners in the marriage to attain that level.
Most American women are like the character played by Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman… waiting for their rich, knight in shining armor to sweep them from their horrible life and place them in a palace of privilege.
Emily
September 20th, 2008
Well that was a gross generalization. I am an American woman that was raised by a single mother who believes in the value of hard work. The thought of being taken care of by a man makes me down right claustrophobic and I have never made money an issue. I don't expect gifts and I have absolutely no problem paying for myself or my date. Not all American women are spoiled princesses. As for the European men, it's the accent. Let's not kid ourselves, on a scale from one to ten, a man could go from a 3 to a 7 just because he has an accent. And there it is boys and girls.
Craig | travelvice.com
September 20th, 2008
Emily's absolutely correct — Americans are generally suckers for an accent, both men and women alike. We even fall for accents within our own nation. Brits and Aussies on vaca in the USA can always count on their accents to make them that much more attractive. Didn't 'Love Actually' do something with this?
Bob L
September 23rd, 2008
Andrew Wesley Roberts needs to meet a different set of women. Try women who grew up in solid blue collar families. They tend to be conservative and willing to do their part. BUT, you better be willing to do your part too. No slouching allowed. Be ready for: "Put down the remote, get off your but and help me fix the roof…… honey."
And to add to what Emily said, from what I have seen it seems to also be what is said. The average American male does not talk in the smooth, slimy way that many foreign men do. However, if they did, without the accent, they would probably be laughed at or thought untrustworthy. So, yep, maybe it is the accent. I have overheard foreign men chatting up american women. I would be embarassed (not to mention slapped) if I said the same things. I would love to find out if these foreign men talk the same way to women in their own country, or if it is just foreign women they talk to this way. I have to admit, I find myself talking to women in other countries in ways that I would never get away with at home. Maybe an American accent works too?
Bob L
david
September 25th, 2008
Happy to see there is at least still SOME activity on this site… Last time it was this quiet here, Craig just found out he was going to be a daddy…
Hope all's well. Miss reading more, here…
Regards,
david
September 25th, 2008
O-ja… And I do have an accent, I guess. Maybe I should go try it out…
Vinny fletcher
November 7th, 2008
Emily and Bob L are both right. Not all american women are the same. I am in the military and in the course of my travels over the country I have met all kinds of women. From the sleazy sluts to the really well mannered, classy ones. It all depends on where you are and the company you keep. i am sure its is the same anywhere in the world.
As for accents I never really gave it much thought, even though I admit I have a thing for european women. But it was just the difrerences in culture that did it for me and not any particular accent.
But I was visiting europe on r&r last month and I noticed that most times when I was engaged in conversation with someone, women would approach me ask ask if I was american. And when I said yes and start talking to them,there would be loads more hot beautiful women approaching me. Usually happened at the clubs and bars, but happened at normal public places too.Had a great time there.
It might have been the dark skin, but I am pretty sure being american had a lot to do with it.So yea it all depends on how you carry yourself and what sorts of places you frequent Andrew.
You gotta give it to the Italian carpenter though. Blew a hole right through her romatic house of cards.
chris
March 17th, 2009
haha..Ive seen this elsewhere and its one of the funniest dual perspective stories ever..
Lukwesa
June 1st, 2009
How do you think European men feel about mixed women? I am 50% african and 50% French/Caucasian. I also have costa rican ancestry and a bit of cherokee Indian. Everyone mistakes me for a puerto rican, but I look nonetheless, mixed. So, are European men open to different types of women?
maria
August 4th, 2009
im actually from europe, and have been living in the us for 3 years and the truth is that the only reason european men like american women is because they think american women are easy. the only reason american women like european men is because european men know that american women are easy, so they try extra hard to impess the american women then they would the european women. american women think that the guy is just super romantic, but he really just wants an easy lay. the bottom line is that all men are the same exact way. the only diffrence is that european men are usually extremely gorgeous , and good dressers , while american men are also very good looking , but usually dont dress as nice. i bet if american men tried as hard to impress women as hard as european men do, american women would be dropping left and right for them. and to lukwesa, yes eupean men are obssesed with multicultural women, in europe, mixed women are like godesses to them. they think those type of women are exotic, and beautiful, and so they go gaga for them. just be careful, usually the men there who are the most romantic are usually the guys who will use you to show off to their friends the "prize" they "won" . if you go to europe, just be careful with those eurotrash players.
James S
October 19th, 2009
I'm in total agreement with Andrew Wesley Roberts, American women are the problem. American women have a problem living in reality and think life is a fantasy that is showin by the media. American women want to be constantly complemented but won't do the same for you. They also want men who look like a Justin Timberlake, a Brad Pitt, and Denzel Washington. And yes the accent does do a lot, because American women are gullible.
As a person who dated both American and foreign women, I can tell you there are major differences. For one, foreign women are up front and open up to you. This allows me to open up to her and bond, which is key to a healthy relationship. American women on the other hand, it's like playing the game of Shrades, when trying to get to know them. Or worst they play mind games with you. Like for example they pretend to be very interested in you and show a false personality.
When the time is right, they pull the rug from under you. At the same time brag about their dream man and belittle you. Or they just stop talking to you right off the bat without giving you any reason. Of course any American women who reads this will without a doubt deny my statements. Their either liars, full of themselves or both.
Don't take my word for it, a simple internet search like Yahoo! and Google will show results. American bands like The Offspring and others communicate the same in some of their songs. Comics like Eddie Murphy and Andrew Dice Clay also mention it in their stand-up. Sure we American men have our faults but it's small potatoes compare to American women's. You European men can have all the American women, I'm not going to miss them.
Just hope you find them as colorful as I have.
Rhonda
November 27th, 2009
"I'm in total agreement with Andrew Wesley Roberts, American women are the problem"
Wrong, it's American men who are the problem. I know as I'm an American woman. A lot of American men are childish, whiny, spoiled, self-centered brats who lead women on, play games and are out for one thing and use women if they can. I've seen so many nice women treated like crap by American men. I also don't find European men any better, just different in their approach. Frankly, many men everywhere suck though there are some good ones!!!!
PS-Why shouldn't women, American or otherwise, be gold diggers? It's called looking out for yourself and your future children. Since so many men are jerks regardless if they have money or not, better to go with the money, that way if you get divorced because your husband is a jerk, you and your children are much better off. No apologies as single women with kids tend to be the least well off. Don't see any men worrying about that. Also, if men didn't only go out for a woman's looks, then they wouldn't have a problem with "gold diggers".
Emily
January 19th, 2010
I agree with Rhonda in a sense not so much that women have to be gold diggers but that it is good to try to find someone that would have money then finding a guy that dosen't.I no a couple of American guys that don't have jobs,treat their girlfriends like shit and can't even support their family.I don't want to compare American men with European men but from my experiances I would say that most American guys I know treated me like shit with no respect and just playing games with me,promising a future when they don't even give a shit about me in the first place and most of them expect me to look like Angelina Jolie and I would have to be like some kind of doctor or lawyer to win him over when I don't even look for that in a guy.now I've never had a European guy but I think that most European guys aren't picky about how a women looks like or if she has any flaws and alot of them don't care if you don't wear makeup I think they like natural women.the american guys I do no are very cocky have very high egos and only care if a female has a big ass.I'm not trying to hate on anyone but I just wanted to make my point.